Hell’s angels.

Remember when I said I resulted to acting single in real life and on social media? Its finally about to bite me in the ass.

My “at home boyfriend” literally would not let me break up with him. I’m not sure if he has an untreated mental illness, or if I just brought out the crazy in him? Obviously, my dumb ass didn’t know what love was. But I knew what he and I had was in fact not love. Its like we was okay with treating each other like shit… that’s the confusing part about these kind of relationships, isn’t it? They criticize you, belittle you. Then they make you look bat shit crazy when you finally reach your breaking point.

I see it all the time. Couples being so mean to each other, but are too scared to go their separate ways.

He was my best friend for years. We knew each other’s darkest secrets, weaknesses, strengths, dreams and fears. I almost think if we never dated, we would still be friends. And that word is why I personally think people are so scared to break up… friends. Even though the relationship is SHIT, deep down you’re best friends. You get comfortable with this person. You know this person, and they know you. Your significant other becomes your life. Not only are you losing a significant other, you’re losing a friend. That’s the part that hurt my heart with this break up.

I would come home about every other weekend to see my parents… and to go see my at home boyfriend. It was just emptiness.

Here comes the heart break…

Christmas break is finally here. I get everything packed in my car, and call the at home boyfriend to let him know he can just meet me at my parent’s house when I get back. “Don’t freak out Alicia, but would you mind stopping by here first?”

I knew this time would come. I had been very public about my self-proclaimed singleness on social media. Some one back home finally spilled the beans to him.

I thought I would be jumping with joy when he found out.

Nope.

I really don’t think I’ve ever cried so much. But why? I was miserable with him.

I reluctantly walk into his house. First thing I saw? A box of my accumulated shit. He’s calm as can be. I knew this guy inside and out and calm was NOT in his vocabulary. My next thought? This must be the calm before the storm.

Nope.

He told me I needed happiness and sent me on my way.

That was it.

I was a wreck. I couldn’t handle this. If you remember correctly, I didn’t really have friends back home… I had two friends to be exact, lets call them C & J. Besides my parents, I am now alone.

I believe that’s why I was mess. That relationship tricked me into thinking he was in fact all I needed. It made me think that I didn’t need friends.

I love you and I hate you.